Besides an important indicator, which measures a person’s intelligence level, IQ (Intelligence Quotient), another equally important indicator/factor is EQ (Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Intelligence). Let go of these bad habits, and your natural emotional intelligence (EQ) will improve.
Most people believe that Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is essentially a life skill and thus we can enhance and practice EQ for ourselves then we can manage our lives better. This mindset is somewhat true, but in fact, the EQ is much higher than that and there is a hidden truth about EQ that we almost all miss: improving emotional intelligence is doing less, not more.
As a psychologist, I’ve worked with many people with low EQs:
• They blame others for their problems
• They worry, stuck in a vicious circle
• They get “self-destructive” syndrome as soon as they make progress
If you want to improve your EQ, identify these work and life habits to eliminate them. Surely you will find that your emotional intelligence is not as low as once thought.
EQ Tip: Stop Criticizing Others
Criticizing others is often seen as an unconscious defense mechanism aimed at reducing our own insecurity. Everyone has commented on other people. That’s not really a bad thing – thinking carefully and critically on the world around you is an important skill. It helps us navigate the world and our relationships in an objective way.
But too much criticism – especially the habit of criticizing others – can lead to subjectivity: it can make us narrow and blind, especially towards ourselves. One of the reasons we get into the habit of criticizing others is that it makes us feel good:
When you think other people are stupid, it also means you are intelligent. That makes you happy. When you criticize others for being naive, you are actually thinking that you are well versed in life. That makes you happy. When you chuckle about other people’s country fashions, you’re flattering your own. That makes you happy.
Constructive comments make the world a better place. Negative criticism only makes you feel more comfortable. While criticism can temporarily make you happy, it will make you feel worse about yourself in the long run.
On the other hand, people with high emotional intelligence and self-awareness understand that criticizing others is just a primary defense mechanism. There are better, more effective ways to deal with your worries and insecurities. People who constantly criticize others are unaware that they are just trying to alleviate their insecurity.
Understand that such criticism only wastes time and energy because what we need to invest time and effort into is to improve the world around us.
EQ Tip: Less Worry About The Future
Everyone desires to have a stable life. This is perfectly plausible because since our ancestors it existed as a rule: those who are better at settling down will outlive the others. However, in life, we cannot completely eliminate difficulties and challenges. So if you are too anxious to find stability, you are making your life more precarious, even though it is completely better than many others.
And that’s what people with chronic anxiety do. They are so afraid of uncertainty and unwilling to endure it, that they deceive themselves that they can make the future less uncertain by thinking about it continuously!
Chronic anxious people live under the illusion that thinking is the way to solve problems, and planning ahead always leads to higher levels of readiness. But neither is true:
Just because you’re thinking about a problem – doesn’t mean you can think effectively. And just because you plan on myriad hypothetical future scenarios – doesn’t mean you are better prepared to handle them. You’re just making yourself feel better. Worrying about you gives the illusion of certainty. But in the end, all it does is make its own life more unstable.
People with high emotional intelligence understand that life is inherently precarious. And they think it’s better to deal with a problem than living in denial about it.
Because when you stop causing yourself to endure all the stresses associated with chronic anxiety, you will be surprised to feel your energy and enthusiasm return to life. Don’t make the world work the way you want it to, you will find things much easier today.
“Anxiety cannot dispel the sadness of tomorrow, it only makes the power of today disappear.”
– Corrie Ten Boom